The One Who Got Away

I know I became involved with my own particular minimal world,

Also, in some cases I have a tendency to overlook,

The genuine importance of those little words,

Which entered my heart the day we initially met.

I look up cautiously,

Fearful of being caught,

By a crowd of manipulated[1] and demoralizing thoughts,

And a lover off-guard[2].

My vision penetrates[3] through the masks of identity,

And the shambles[4] of physical appearance,

I see him at his altruistic core, [5]

Whose pureness will last for eternity?

He chuckles gently,

With a lethal listlessness buried in his eyes, [6]

Perhaps no one cared to understand,

No one except I.

When I looked at you,

I grasped your hand,

I realized that all I ever required,

Was to love and to hold all of you that I can.

Humans make mistakes,

I have made my share of them too,

But here I am owing up,

To everything I have done to distress[7] you.

I know it’s not possible,

And I know it’s useless to try,

But I have given up on ending myself,

I have lost this fight. [8]

Everyone laughs at the idea,

Those who care encourage me to move on,

But it’s too hard to let go,

Especially after holding him in my heart for so long. [9]

Albert Camus wrote about absurdism, [10]

And many writers agreed on this philosophy,

If the world is a stage with no audience,

Why does humankind care to tackle these adversities? [11]

I have spent my teenage years,

Deceiving[12] around with the wrong individuals,

Little did I realize how my clumsy actions,

Had ruined our chances like ripples do in a puddle.

No one understands how I feel,

My conscious[13] feels like utter mayhem, [14]

They will never know,

Until it happens to them.

You are everything I wished for,

You are everything I need,

The way your passion drives you,

Attracts me like nectar does to a bee. [15]

I admire our compatibility,

And know that you will always support me,

Sometimes things don’t turn out the way you want them to,

But as it is said; life is not what happens to you, but what you interpret it to be.

I forget everything when I look at you,

Words creep out of my mouth as you talk,

Your sense of humor drives me crazy,

But you manage to remain rooted to your principles like a rock.

Although “we”[16] will never happen,

And our lives will continue to move on,

I cannot appreciate you enough,

For teaching me a lesson of life without doing any wrong.

You longed for someone else,[17]

And disproved the fidelity[18] of your devotion,

By consistently trying for years on end,

To catch a single indication of reciprocation. [19]

Little did you notice that person in the corner,

Who observed your every movement, action and worry,

You chased your aspirations[20] so passionately,

While I watched you like a tearful tragedy.

As the years proceeded,

You continued to socialize,

And as I spoke to your comrade[21] to discontinue pondering[22] about you,

My chances with you were jeopardized. [23]

You continued to enjoy your life,

With different people along the way,

By spending your mornings jogging miles,

And you’re evenings dancing the night away.

You set your eyes on someone else,

On someone who really never deserved,

I guess we probably were never meant to be,

But hey! They say the best things in life are unexpected…[24]

[1] Controlled or forced by certain people

[2] Lover who did not accept attention

[3] Infiltrates through

[4] Considering physical appearance as a barrier of love

[5] Selfless

[6] Dullness and indifference between the two

[7] Suffering

[8] Given up, moreover has lost all hope

[9]  The girl has truly loved the man and further suggesting that it is very hard to get over him

[10] Albert Camus was a French author. He was notable for many of his works like the Outsider, who expressed the philosophy of absurdism through his works. Absurdisms states that the universe is an irrational place. Although Albert Camus denied any belief in this philosophy, he expressed it in a majority of his literary works.

[11] Adversities, here, refers to the difficulty this lover is tackling by dealing with unrequited love.

[12] Fooling

[13] Aware about the feelings of chaos

[14] Chaos

[15] In love with the man, as the attraction towards him is described by how a bee is attracted towards the nectar or honey.

[16] Refers to both of them; the man and the girl of the poem.

[17] The girl refers to the man belonging to someone else; further creating a sense of giving up on him.

[18] Loyalty

[19] Here, the man tries to spot a single act of love from the girl he is in love with, in response to the love he showcases.

[20] He chased his goals in order to become successful

[21] Refers to a close friend

[22] To stop thinking much about the situation

[23] The girl regrets replacing the man she is in love with, with a close friend as she now, has no chance of being with him. Loss of hope is being portrayed.

[24] Suggests a feeling of hope. After, so many disheartening and discouraging things happening, the girl still has hope, further indicating the love for the man she has.

Aishna Kumar from Sharda University, Delhi

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